There's a Dwarf at the Door
by C.D.Wofford
Summary: The Battle of Five Armies was months ago. The heirs of Durin survived, and have rebuilt Erebor into a thriving dwarvish society. But some things never change, and when Kili sneaks out one night on some mischievous errand, Fili follows him. The thing is, Thorin might be a bit put out that he wasn't invited. Based on Peter Jackson's masterpieces.


**Author's Note: It's RobynEliza's birthday! I told her I would post a happy Kili story on here for her gift, so here it is. Hope you enjoy it. :) I wrote it all in one go and it's had very little editing, so any constructive criticism from any of you lovely readers would be awesome! Even if you don't have any suggestions, reviews always make my day. Oh, and I feel obligated to tell you that my brother suggested some of the lines of dialogue and aided in brainstorming this. He'd behead me if I didn't get that out there, so now you all know. ;)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, nobody, and nowhere. **

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><p><em>Erebor, 9:45 pm<em>

Kili tugged on his boots. He winked at himself in the mirror, his troublesome grin surfacing as if he was sharing a secret with a trusted confidant. He winked again, getting it just right. He added a flirtatious little lift of his eyebrow and nodded in satisfaction.

He slid a small brown pouch off the dresser top into his hand and tossed it in the air once, before stowing it in his pocket.

Almost time!

He turned back to the mirror, assessing the state of his hair. Looked alright to him, but then, it always did. He grinned. He winked. He raised his eyebrow. He liked that. He winked again.

The door opened and Fili strolled in, to stop abruptly at the sight of his little brother making faces at himself in the mirror. He rolled his eyes, involving his whole body in the movement.

"For the love of-!"

Kili straightened and shot his brother a sheepish grin.

"What?"

"Putting on 'the look'? Honestly Ki, the lasses fall over themselves for you already."

"Let's see if I can get them to swoon clear into a faint!" Kili retorted, teasingly. Fili snorted.

"D'you want to wager on that?"

Kili just laughed and shoved his brother as he moved past him to the door of the chamber. Fili noticed for the first time that Kili was sporting an odd ensemble of traveling clothes and one of his nicer tunics. That, and his obviously absent smart remark made Fili think something must be afoot.

"Where're you off to?"

Kili stopped halfway out the door and gave Fili his wide-eyed, innocent look. Now Fili _definitely _knew something was up.

"Late night hunting trip? Rabbits are out. Full moon tonight; gets them excited."

"It's got _you _excited," Fili huffed, not quite managing to mask his suspicion. Kili shrugged.

"Guess so!"

And he was out the door. Wherever he was going, he was apparently in a rush. Fili waited a moment, and then followed him, all thoughts of his night's sleep abandoned.

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><p><em>Erebor, 9:58 pm<em>

Kili felt his heart speed up at the sight of the passage. The one that would take him out the little door in the side of the mountain, under the wide, open sky blinking with a million stars and the crisp breeze. Almost there!

A hand landed heavily on his shoulder, making him jump and come up short.

"And where are _you_ headed at this time of night?"

Kili watched his window of opportunity, all inviting and exhilarating, growing steadily smaller as his Uncle pulled him around to face him.

"Late night hunt?" he tried.

"You haven't your bow."

Kili saw Fili moving down the passage toward them, obviously curious.

"I've been practicing throwing knives. Hitting moving targets, especially in low light. Tonight's perfect for a trial run."

Thorin eyed him for a moment, and then stepped back, apparently satisfied. He nodded.

"Good lad. We'll make a prince of you yet."

Kili glowed.

"Take your brother with you."

He stopped glowing, but Thorin raised an eyebrow. That brooked any argument that might have taken place. Probably for the best, Kili thought, since he really didn't have _time _for an argument.

"Hunt well," Thorin rumbled, and clumped off down the hall.

Without waiting to see if his brother was following him, Kili whirled and pounded down the passage, bursting out the door onto the mountainside. He took a minute to breathe the bright, alive air that was _outside _before setting off down the mountain, barely able to contain his excitement. He heard the grunts and occasional quiet curse as Fili tried to keep up and his less-sure feet slipped often on the steep path.

"You know," he called back, "I'm glad Uncle made me bring you. It's kind of a big event in my life and I'd like you to be there, I guess."

"I get the feeling this isn't a hunting trip."

Kili smirked over at his brother, who by now had caught up.

"Of course not! Why would that be a big event in my life?"

"Why, indeed," Fili muttered. "Where are we really going?"

"You'll see. We've got to hurry." Kili quickened his pace even further and glanced somewhat anxiously toward the wood on the banks of the Lake. "I hope she could make it…"

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><p><em>Halls of Thranduil, 10:00 pm<em>

"My lord, I seek permission to patrol the outer borders. The spiders have been driven out but one cannot be too careful to keep some other evil from taking their place."

Thranduil cocked his head at the request. He surveyed the Silvan elf before him, her long red hair brushing her waist and her posture straight and businesslike. Tauriel always had taken her duty as Captain of the Guard seriously.

"Very well."

Tauriel bowed her head quickly and turned to go, only just hiding the little smile of pleasure at the acquiescence.

"Still…"

Tauriel stopped, dreading his next words.

"I do not rest well with the thought of my Captain patrolling the borders alone at night. You have proven too valuable for that." He meant it as a rare compliment, but Tauriel felt her heart sink.

"I…am flattered, your majesty."

"Take someone with you."

Legolas stepped forward from beside his father's chair.

"I will go, father."

Tauriel drew in a sharp breath.

"I do not think-"

"It is acceptable," Thranduil said, motioning languidly in the air with his hand and turning away. The conversation was over.

Tauriel bowed smartly and quitted the room, Legolas close on her heels.

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><p><em>Laketown, 11:00 pm<em>

"Da, there's a dwarf at the door!"

Tilda's excited announcement rang through the house, the occupants of which were just wrapping up a quiet evening in favor of bed.

"It's the one who had the hurt leg, and he says he's never been better," she added, matter-of-factly.

"Did you not let him in?" Bard asked, rising from his place by the fire and setting aside his rebec.

Tilda looked affronted.

"No, Da! Sigrid says we're never to let anyone in without asking!"

Sigrid shared a half amused, half exasperated look with her father.

Bard pushed past his daughter to the door, which Tilda had thoughtfully closed again to prevent a draft, and opened it. Kili tumbled in, an almost manic smile splitting his face, dragging an elf maid after him by the hand. The blond dwarf Bard remembered as Fili shuffled after, looking to be in a nervous state, and closing the door quickly after them.

Tilda jumped up and down on her toes with a shriek of delight upon catching sight of Tauriel's beaming face.

"The elf lady, the elf lady, the elf lady!" she babbled excitedly to her father, "The one who chopped off the monsters' heads and saved us!"

"What brings you here at this hour of the night?" Sigrid questioned, a little breathless with the unusualness of it all.

"Well," Kili said, turning to Bard, "We were thinking a wedding."

Fili's eyes and mouth opened wide in shock, and he made a sound that resembled drowning. Kili turned to him and whacked him heartily on the shoulder.

"How d'you feel about Best Man?"

Fili choked.

"A _wedding?!_" Tilda gasped, momentarily still. Momentarily. For only a moment later her bouncing renewed with more energy. "She's gotta look pretty! Siggy, she's gotta look pretty."

She darted to the corner where Sigrid kept the sewing things, gathering sashes and cloth remnants to use as makeshift veils.

"We really don't have time; we're kind of in a hurry-" Kili started, but he was interrupted by the banging of the door and stomping of boots from the kitchen, where the front door was.

"Da!" Bain's youthful voice called, "I got the shellfish traps set like you wanted. Did you know there's an elf at the door?"

"Another one?" Bard answered, a smile pulling at the corner of his stoic mouth.

"What?" the boy asked, confused. He poked his head in the living-room and his eyes grew wide with welcoming surprise. "Wha…hey there!"

"We're having a wedding," Sigrid explained, hurriedly taking her brother's coat, "Prince Kili's marrying Tauriel and Prince Fili is Best Man, isn't it wonderful?"

A…a wedding? WHAT?!" Fili finally managed, having thrown off the trance.

"Fetch our 'Best Man' a brandy, huh?" Bain grinned, ducking back into the kitchen to fetch it. Tilda had already scurried to the door to let the other elf in.

"You're late," she lectured, leading the confused Woodland Prince into the room with the family. "Are you the Maid of Honor?"

Bain, just returning with the brandy, barked a laugh before he could stifle it. Legolas stopped in the doorway, bewilderment finally overtaking him fully as he watched Sigrid and Tilda pinning an improvised train, cape, and veil about the Captain of the Guard.

Tauriel looked bemused.

"The guest list was rather short, but apparently you made it," she quipped, her eyes shining with delight. Legolas sat down with much less of his accustomed gracefulness.

"I _thought _you were trying to loose me in the woods." But he couldn't help the little answering grin. Awkard? Yes. But he'd never seen her this happy.

"I am not a member of the clergy," Bard protested, "I have never officiated at a wedding."

"You're the new Master of Laketown," Kili shrugged, "I'm sure you can legally tie the knot. This is kind of a make-do situation anyway; and if you don't mind we might have to leave the…um…the '_back'_ way."

"Highly unusual doings for a wedding, don't you think?" the bowman questioned, looking slightly amused.

"Never did I think I would be escaping to go on my honey-moon through a Lake Town privy," Tauriel laughed.

"Well, whatever it takes. We don't have enough time to do it 'traditionally', kind of in a big hurry," Kili said, slipping his hand into his pocket to touch the leather pouch there.

Bard broke into a full smile.

"Well then, Master Kili. I can certainly do my best."

"Kili!" Fili gasped, "She's an elf!"

"I noticed," Kili said, smugly.

"She's…twice as tall as you are!"

"Hey! Not quite!"

"You said you didn't fancy elf maids! What happened to that, hey, brother? Too thin, not enough facial hair…remember any of that?"

Kili's grin slid into a fierce scowl.

"_Shut_ it!" His face relaxed into a look of such earnestness that Fili couldn't ignore it. "She saved my life," he said, quietly.

"Here comes the bride!" Tilda suddenly announced, shattering the moment. Kili jumped up. Bard straightened, taking his place standing in front of the fireplace. Kili moved to stand before him, and Bain snatched up his Da's forgotten rebec and started a few joyous bars of an aire.

Tauriel took the few short steps to stand by Kili, and the music died away on a trembling high note. Fili moved to sit by Bain and had another brandy. Legolas finally accepted the brandy offered to him, as well.

Bard cleared his throat.

"We are gathered in this home to join Kili of the Line of Durin and Tauriel of the Woodland Realm in the heavenly bonds of holy matrimony. You may now say your vows."

Kili stepped forward, his eyes shining with excitement, and grasped both of Tauriel's hands.

"On this day I give you my vow, that my love will ever burn bright and fierce as the fire-moon, that it will remain with the enduring strength of carven mountain stone. My heart I pledge to greater loyalty, my sword to better service. I will ever be your joy and your comfort…until the days shall fail."

Tauriel smiled, and missed not a beat.

"On this day I give you my vow, that my love with ever shine precious and pure as the stars through which I have walked, that it will remain with the immovable steadfastness of the ancient trees of the Greenwood. My heart I pledge to greater loyalty, my bow to better service. I will ever be your joy and your comfort…until the days shall fail."

Bard's eyes crinkled with the grave joy of the moment.

"The vows have been said. Do you, Kili Son of Durin, take Tauriel of the Woodland Realm as your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, to have and to hold from this day forward, till death do you part?"

"I do!"

"Do you, Tauriel of the Woodland Realm, take Kili Son of Durin as your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, to have and to hold from this day forward, till death do you part?"

"I do."

"Have you the rings?"

Kili drew the leather pouch out of his pocket and slipped a slender silver ring onto Tauriel's hand, set with a gem of mithril like a star. He'd worked on it carefully and secretly for weeks, perfecting it for this moment. Tauriel drew a sturdy silver one, with dwarven runes, from the little bag and put it on the dwarf's hand.

"Then I pronounce you…uh…" here Bard paused, looking somewhat uncertain. Kili looked at him expectantly and not a little impatiently. "I pronounce you dwarf and wife!"

Sigrid's hands paused at whatever they were busy with in her lap, and she made a noise of disbelief. Bard shot her a small, apologetic shrug.

Kili gave a whoop of pleasure and seized the bride's hand, turning away from the stand-in preacher as if he truly thought it was over. Bard grabbed his arm and pulled him back, and Kili looked at him, confused.

"I do not know how dwarves and elves carry on their marriages, but in my town it is customary to now kiss the bride."

Kili's eyes widened.

"Here? Right now?"

Bard nodded, concealing a smirking grin.

"In front of the _kids?_"

Bard threw his hands up in exasperation.

"Yes, master dwarf! You may now kiss your bride!"

Kili turned to Tauriel, to find her smiling with amusement.

"Well then! If you're _sure_ you don't mind, it'll be my pleasure!"

He grinned. He winked. He lifted his eyebrow. Sigrid suddenly stood up and tossed flower petals in the air, from where she'd been pulling them from the stems of the bouquet that had adorned the kitchen table. They rained down as the "grand finale" of the wedding had little Tilda gasping an "Oooooh!" of astonishment and giddy wonder. It was a long and rather energetic finale.

Fili leaned over to Bain and nudged his shoulder with a grin.

"That wink? He's been practicing it all night."

Bain burst into laughter.

A rough pounding on the door caused everyone to start to their feet. An abrupt stillness fell over the room, in stark contrast with the gaiety that had reigned only moments before.

"That'll be King Under the Mountain, grumpy about not being invited," Kili quipped.

Tauriel looked suddenly as if she just thought of something.

"My raven! I sent one back to you to say I would come tonight; he has probably intercepted it."

"Which means he's in a wicked mood and now would probably be a good time to make our exit," Fili added, moving toward the back door. "Thank you so much though, Bard, for doing this for my brother. You…have my gratitude. You really do."

"Let's go!" Kili whispered, fiercely, though his face showed the thrill of the chase as the pounding on the door renewed along with Thorin's shouting for Bard to open up. Bard gestured with his head toward the back, while raising his voice loud.

"Give a man time to rouse himself, king! It's an unholy hour of the night!" He let his voice fall back to a hurried whisper. "Well be your speed and may joy follow you from here." He spared them a smile, and then moved to open the door to admit Thorin. Sigrid hurried to sweep the petals under hearth-rug, and Tilda, gasping, hustled Tauriel's temporary wedding-trappings back into the sewing corner. "Now go!"

Bain ushered his guests out the back door and crowded them into the privy as Thorin and Dwalin came in the front. Immediately familiar bellows could be heard through the walls, and Kili had to press a hand over his mouth to stifle his mirth so they wouldn't be found.

Legolas was looking uncertainly at the black hole leading down into the uninviting waters of the lake.

"What you said, Tauriel. It was in jest, surely? Do you really mean to begin your new life…like that?"

Tauriel suspected this had less to do with her new life and more to do with her old friend's dignity. She gave a wide smile.

"No, melon-nin. I did not jest at all."

And suddenly she and Kili vanished through the hole. Fili shrugged at Legolas.

"I've done it once before. It's not as bad as it seems.

And Fili followed. Legolas stood alone, gazing dazedly at his only method of escape. Finally he rolled his eyes and stepped up to the edge. He was a prince, for Iluvitar's sake. If all the dwarvish hooligans could man up and do it, and _Tauriel _even, (though he was slightly unsure of her judgement now) he could, too. Legolas took the plunge.

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><p><em>Erebor, 1:27 am<em>

Fili shivered as he walked slowly through the woods, back up the path that led to the side door of the mountain. He wrung out the hem of his tunic as he trudged and tried to take in what had happened.

An enormous hurdle had been leaped that night; a great chasm between races had been seamlessly and beautifully bridged. It looked…strange, he admitted. But different didn't mean wrong. Kili himself had taught Fili that; how many times had been teased for being too tall, too thin-boned, too strange with his bow practice and small growth of beard, and Fili had felt rage boil up. No, sometimes different meant something even more special than the expected.

Thorin would still be a piece of work, and Fili was glad Kili and Tauriel wouldn't have to face it for awhile. They'd said their goodbyes on the side of the lake and headed off somewhere for a month or so of quiet. But Kili had promised to be back before Fili's official ceremony for being named heir, and Fili was alright with that.

Fili could see the dark form of Bofur standing in the doorway, arms crossed, looking very displeased .The blond prince sighed, and wondered if the tirade was about to start now. Had Thorin woken every one of the thirteen and alerted them to the situation? Knowing him, he probably had.

Bofur gripped his shoulder roughly as soon as he was close enough.

"Why you…_selfish, _sneaky…and Kili, too! Going behind our backs like that! If you were bound to do something like this…why on _earth _didn't you invite _me?_"

Fili's head jerked up in time to see Bofur break out in a smile that showed no trace of real anger. A slow grin spread across his face as well.

"Was it a good wedding, then?"

"The best! The wildest dig that would've done even Bifur proud."

Bofur nodded, chuckling.

And Fili thought of Kili's smile and knew that it was all worth it.

**THE END**

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Yeah, so I don't know how good I am at writing feel-good one-shots. Most of my "short stories" end up turning into novels, and all my stuff is angsty. (Even when I attempt fluff. See "Esprit de Corps" for example) ;) Anyway, so this was a new thing to try for me. NO ANGST OR HURT AT ALL! Right, so tell me if it was funny. If some of the attempts at humor came across as corny, please tell me. I'd love to fix it, because even though it's not my best work ever I still like it. XD Oh yeah, and apologies to the Tauriel-haters. I know you're out there, and I'm sorry for you because this fiction probably killed you. *evil laugh*<strong>


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